Do you ever feel like you have been in a sinking ship for a really long time, looking out to the shore that isn’t far off and seeing the sunshine and beauty that it holds for you but somehow you can’t get the courage or strength to start swimming? I know that I have felt that way, and recently. This past year has felt like a sinking ship many times. I have felt in some moments the opportunity to start that swim to shore but I didn’t do it. Was it fear of what struggles that swim may hold for me? Am I content in this “schedule” and “consistency”? What I do know is this. I will never reach the shore sitting in the boat that is sinking, so if I want to get out of this ocean of emotions I have to make a choice to grab a board and start swimming to shore.
Now this has been about our Journey with Apraxia and A for the most part – but tonight I am bringing it back to the “mom” in the situation. Our Armada of Love for our girl and boy would be a sinking ship without Mom having some strength and focus on what is necessary and important in our Journey. The past few weeks have held some ROLLERCOASTER days. I have met some challenges head on and failed miserably at one at least, probably more than one but we’ll just say one to keep self-confidence afloat tonight. Most of the stress has come from outside the home and family. Work has been intense and quite a learning experience for me as of late. I’ve had the “pleasure” of working several overnight shifts as of late *ha “late”* which have brought a new mix into the family dynamic and I’ve gotten to “sleep in” until 11am two days in a row this week due to that! Whoo Hoo for that, haven’t slept that late since 2004/5 at least! However, I didn’t go to bed until 5:30am…..yea. ok sorry got off track there for a moment, need a little self-pity for a bit. I have enjoyed getting to work with some partners that I tend to only see in passing as I’m going off shift and they are coming on…alright got off track there for a second, oops ;/.
This past week we had a guest speaker at church and he was great! He definitely brought some great messages and really made an impact in the way some people have been thinking and feeling in their walk with God. I know he made an impact in mine. His messages were on point every time I was there. The one that has really stuck in my brain came from the story of Paul in the Book of Acts where he was on a ship transporting him and other prisoners to be brought before Caesar and they encountered a storm where there seemed to be no choice but to kill the prisoners and the soldiers would then save themselves. However the head guard wanted to save Paul and instead cut the prisoners free “And the rest, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they escaped all safe to land.” Sometimes we feel like we are in a sinking ship but there are boards there for us to grab and pull ourselves to the safety of dry land. There are good people in the world who are willing to help “save” us whether we think so or not. Whether we let them or not they may just be helping from the shore encouraging us to swim a little harder. The past month I have gotten to know some of these people better. Whether it’s a quick post on facebook to say “Hope you are having a wonderful day!” (on a day that was quite the opposite actually, but it made me stop for a moment and find some wonderful in that day). Or whether it’s a card from another simply saying that she is looking forward to spending more time together and getting to know each other better in the future. Or maybe its the tentatively, constantly permanently set dinner plans that we still are trying to make happen with another friend * love you M*(oh and I think Thursday should be fine btw). I am learning to reconnect with important people in my life that I may have lost contact with over the past year of tossing and turning in this sinking ship. I am so thankful for the message that has kept me thinking and coming back for more in my journey. Building the faith that it takes to begin that swim to shore. I only hope that this might help someone else who is trying to find the courage to start swimming to shore to just do it. Make the choice to get to solid ground where you won’t sink any longer.